And the green grass grows all around.

I made it back 'home' to London, safe and sound. And I wasn’t sent to a little room. And my computer wasn’t erased. My luggage arrived with me, and I was not charged for all the extra weight. And the box, with all of my important documents that I sent a week ahead, arrived mostly in 1 piece.

The sherut to the airport was classically Israeli. One of the passengers had the same last name as the driver, so they were immediately best friends. The kippa -clad driver (with an Arabic accent) used this boy as an assistant, to find the addresses of other passengers and organize papers and make phone calls. When we had all the passengers and set out on the new highway, the assistant read the travelers prayer. But he made a bunch of mistakes, so out driver would make him repeat the section. The driver also decided that while driving to the airport would be a good time to buy a lottery ticket. So (the assistant) called someone at the taxi dispatch to mark down certain numbers and go buy a ticket, on our driver’s behalf. The winning numbers would come from calculations based on the number of runs to the airport, number of passengers, the date and passenger suggestions. There were a lot of misdialed phone numbers and handshaking and jokes and ‘baruch hashem’ and pictures of rabbis. You really had to be there, but it was great. I didn’t want to leave the van when we got the airport.

Then came the security screening. For whatever reason I didn’t get a cart so was carrying my big pack and dragging the other bag. When I got up to the lady all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I didn’t really sleep the night before, and was nervous about getting detained. She asked what I was doing in Israel, and I explained I was doing research and visiting friends. Rather than asking me the subject of my research, she asked what friends. So I started naming random people who lived in Israel, and quickly realized I couldn’t remember last names of Arava people. I couldn’t form full sentences in Hebrew, I was acting all nervous, and looking all around. She took my passport and walked away, and I was sure that was it. But a couple minutes later she returned and sent me to check my baggage.

On the plane I sat next to an Arab man from the Galil, who was accompanying a Jewish/Arab soccer team to some international tournament in London. I was so excited to speak Arabic, but again, had trouble with language skills do to lack of sleep. By adding some Hebrew and some English I learned about their soccer club, and was able to explain my research.

This wasn’t supposed to be about traveling back, rather, I wanted to write about being back in London, after over 3 months in the Middle East. I was sad to leave Jerusalem, but looking forward to coming home to my flat and my room and my friends. Our weekly cleaner has been away for a couple weeks, so I came back to a dirty apartment. With 3 men here for the last few months, they grew comfortable with dishes in the sink and the toilet seat up and newspapers everywhere – not anymore. My room is the same, but I haven’t had the energy to hang stuff back up on the walls and iron all the clothes I shoved in bags for storage. And people are all over the place writing and doing their own thing, so it is going to take a lot of effort to make plans and catch up. It’s not like we will see each other in class, or run into each other on the street.

This city is HUGE, and I have been overwhelmed a lot lately. I am used to spending time on my own and being independent, but I don’t know how I did it here before. There are so many people from so many places and everyone is in a rush. I much prefer to slow things down and have quality time. Not talk while I walk and eat a sandwich between appointments (hypothetically). In my first 4 days I had gone to 3 libraries. I wear my ipod all the time, shutting the world out. I tend to keep it on shuffle, and am really excited to hear Arabic or Hebrew songs, especially the ones with associations to a different time and place.

I don’t get it. I thought I wanted to be here, I thought I wanted to be back in the city. But the last couple days haven’t been so great. I hope this is just part of the natural adjustment phase. I will get myself back into a school routine and start seeing people and get distracted.

Wherever I am, I always want to be somewhere else. I have self-diagnosed this problem, and call it "grass-is-greener" syndrome. I need to learn to live in the moment and enjoy where I am and what I am doing, and not what could be. I need to learn not to over-think things. Instead, enjoy things for what they are and people for who they are. Enough with the expectations. And start writing already…